The Gym

Yes, I’ve joined the gym. Do I enjoy it? Nope. “Then why do you go?”. I get asked this more than you’d think. I know people who go to the gym because they enjoy it, but I’m never quite sure which part they’re actually referring to. Is it the part when you’re leaving? Maybe there’s something I’m missing…

Usually there’s a valid reason why we do things that we take no pleasure in… Take work for example: 99.99% of us don’t particularly enjoy what we do for a living and definitely didn’t grow up aspiring to stack shelves in Tesco on a night shift, but in the world we live in we need money so we have to do it, unless you think Skid Row is a more appealing option. Maybe the gym isn’t as extreme as that example, but there’s always a goal or a reason you do something that you don’t particularly want to (unless you’ve lost your mind). I decided to join the gym because I want to look and feel better about myself, simple as that, but some people don’t seem to grasp why I would still do something that I don’t enjoy, as if we take pleasure in everything that we do. If only life was that simple…

My alarm goes off at 6.20am every weekday morning and in the winter it isn’t easy. England’s winter is pretty much half of the year anyway. It’s pitch black outside, any limbs outside of the bedcovers are freezing, the wife and pets are all fast asleep, and you somehow have to muster enough energy to tell Alexa to stop… It usually comes out as a muttered mess and very rarely works first time, but it’s still easier than trying to swipe a smartphone. I used to go 2/3 times a week but some mornings I’d wake up and think “balls to that…” and go back to sleep. These days I’m there every weekday morning before work, but the key to motivating yourself to go every day is all about changing your mindset.

I find that if I just don’t think about it, it becomes much easier… Don’t think about how tired you are, how cold it is, and how exhausting the workout is going to be. Instead of thinking about how hard it is to get out of bed, just do it… Imagine you’re about to jump into the sea and it’s freezing. The only thing stopping you is thinking about how cold it’s going to be (unless you can’t swim). If you don’t think about it and just do it, before you know it you’re in the water… Now I’m seeing improvements and that’s all the motivation I need. Even if I’m now 90% protein shake and 10% dead inside…

Speaking of the gym, it’s a very strange place… I feel anxious just thinking about it, but I just push through and get it done. I always have the sauna, jacuzzi and steam room waiting for me at the end of every session so that helps. There’s showers down by the pool area and I always have a cold shower in between using each one. What’s funny though is that the showers are next to the jacuzzi and I always leave it on cold after I’ve used it, mainly for comedy value but also why should I change it back? So I’ll be sat in the jacuzzi and happen to notice the old folks trying to work the showers. They’ve been refurbished and now use a motion sensor, so they’ll be stood there baffled, trying to push this black circle whilst becoming increasingly frustrated. Bearing in mind that they come down to the pool area every morning and always use the showers, yet they can never figure it out. They’ll stand there muttering to themselves until they give up and finally pull their hand away and trigger the motion sensor. Then comes the cold water and they always kick off about how cold it is. Sorry, not sorry. There’s a temperature gauge next to it, anti-clockwise for hot, clockwise for cold, simple as that. Yet they can’t seem to grasp how it works… Sorry, but if you fail to comprehend the simplest of things then that’s on you… They then walk away after their unexpected brisk shower and tell the next old biddy walking past that the showers are broken, then the cycle repeats…

The most bizarre thing I’ve witnessed happened not so long ago. There’s signs saying to shower before you go into the pool which makes sense. A woman walks up to the showers and didn’t feel like following the rules that day (the rebel). So she turns on the shower, stands next to it, does a 360°, and then walks away dry as a bone… unbelievable. I was sat there in disbelief, not because she didn’t follow the rules (I honestly couldn’t care less), but because she did it in front of everyone as if no one was around. She would have been better off just going straight in the pool. It’s not like anyone would say anything anyway, we’re far too British for that…

As for the gym itself, you’ve got the regulars (I’m probably one of them by now), and then you’ve got the part-timers that you might see once a week if you’re lucky. Unfortunately, it’s those people that always look like they’re going to kill themselves. I don’t care for what weights they’re using, we all had to start somewhere, but the exercises they’re doing look so made up and might explain why they don’t turn up often. It’s almost as bad as when a group of middle-aged builders come in and stand around chatting, being lads, and curling their small dumbbells (no euphemism intended) whilst talking about all the women they’ve got on the go. You can tell they’re in that profession as they turn up in shorts, work boots and a ‘hi vis’ vest, and as for the banter it’s just terrible and sounds mostly made up accompanied by forced laughter. Thank god for earphones…

My arms are sore just typing this but I’m not sure if it’s the fact that I’ve been doing progressive overload for the last five days or because I can’t stop waffling on… Anyway, time for another protein shake…